The last time I left you spellbound reading about some of the equipment necessary to catch a fish.   Today's fish are much smarter than those of older generations, and the modern day fisherman needs to combine computer age technology with uncanny nerve and skill to fool them.   The fishing story continues.

                  Several years ago Toni and I planned a bass fishing trip to the Lake of the Ozarks, which is located in southern Missouri.   We purposely went in mid April, since that's when the bass spawn (make babies), and the odds of catching a really big fish are much greater.   When bass are spawning they temporarily go insane and will defend their nest against predators and will attack any object that comes near their "nest."   Yes, like birds and rabbits and   humans, bass make a home to have their babies.   Their home is more primitive than most and consists of a hollowed out area in shallow water where they deposit their eggs.   In the world of bass the females are larger than the males, and this was the time of year to catch a giant female spawning bass.   But even a mentally ill bass is hard to catch.

                  Missouri is usually cold in April, and this April was no exception.   In the mornings the temperature was in the 30's, and it didn't warm up over 50º.   The first morning of fishing is always exciting to me since I had been dreaming about fishing for weeks.   We always have a contest to see who can catch the most fish and the biggest fish, and I felt pretty good about winning both titles.

                  We left before dawn and it was so cold that a thick layer of frost covered the boat and motor.   I wore several layers of clothes, including heavy leather gloves and a new insulated cap that I just got from LL Bean.   Toni was dressed likewise and we looked like Mr. and Mrs. Michelin going fishing.   The seats of the boat had ice on them and I was freezing to death and my rear end was sopping wet.   Toni had the foresight to put a towel on her seat so she stayed dry.   I also had to drive the boat, and the cold wind froze my face and hands while she huddled behind the console out of the wind.   My new cap blew off my head, but before I could turn the boat around to get it, it had sunk like a rock.   Mr. Bean was happy since now I would have to buy another one.   By the time we arrived at the fishing spot, frozen tears were stuck to my face and frozen hair was sticking up from my head.   I looked like a porcupine popsicle. Toni whipped off her gloves and announced that it wasn't really too cold once the boat stopped, and "By the way, you look like you're in pain."   I was in the final stages of hypothermia.   By the time I could remove my frozen hands from the steering wheel and my face had thawed enough to blink my eyelids, she had already caught a fish.   Life isn't fair.

                  We had been fishing for about an hour or so, and Toni was out fishing me.   She hadn't caught the monster fish yet, but she had caught a couple more small fish.   I had yet to catch one.   My excuse was that I was still cold and when I would take my gloves off to fish my hands would stiffen up.   I tried fishing with gloves on, but that was a disaster because I couldn't grip my fishing rod properly to cast and my plastic worm wouldn't go far enough.   I got disgusted and cast with all of my strength, but the rod flew out of my gloved hand and splashed into the water, never to be seen again.   I can't repeat what I said, but it wasn't very nice and it would have embarrassed a lumberjack.   Luckily I had another rod and reel, so I could still fish, but the one I had lost was my favorite.   I was rapidly losing my all of my high tech equipment and the fish were winning.

                  As the morning wore on the sun came out and I actually began warming up.   I even caught a couple of little fish, but I knew the only way I could regain any respect was to catch the biggest fish.   There was no way I could catch more fish than Toni had already caught.   We were fishing around a floating dock in my favorite little cove, and several people were sitting on their porches yawning and having their first cup of coffee.   They were watching us fish since there wasn't anything better to look at.   I know the women were secretly gloating over the fact that Toni was catching more fish than I was, and I also know that everyone had seen me throw my rod and reel into the water.  

                  The fish stopped biting, so Toni changed her plastic worm for a huge torpedo-shaped plug, called a Zara Spook.   This one was red and white striped and had 20 or so hooks dangling from its ugly body.   I chuckled silently because everyone knew that a bass wouldn't hit a Zara Spook this time of year.   Toni reared back and cast the heavy plug high into the air.   It almost went out of sight, but when it came down it landed on the tin roof of a nearby floating dock.   The sound was horrendous and if anyone was trying to sleep late it surely woke them up.   It sounded like someone throwing a bucket of nails against a glass door, and when she pulled it across the roof it screeched and scraped with each tug.   Our audience was enjoying the show we were giving them, and I though I could hear them oooh and aaah when the plug got stuck on the edge.   The plug almost made it to the water, but one of its many hooks had snagged the edge of the roof and was dangling over the side, hopelessly snagged.

                  By now I was becoming embarrassed and told Toni, "Break the line.   We'll never get the plug."

                  But there was no way she was going to part with her Zara Spook, so I moved the boat over to the dock.   The plug was just out of reach, so Toni told me to hold onto her while she stood on tiptoe on the raised edge of the boat.   I wedged my hand into her belt while she strained to reach the plug.   I remembered from studying physics in college that for every force you exert there is an equal and opposite force, and when she stretched up she put her hand against the dock and the boat slid away.   She was balancing herself on the boat's narrow gunnel and for a brief moment, as she leaned out over the water I thought I could pull her back.   I was trying both to haul her back into the boat and to also get my hand unhooked from her belt.   Neither was successful and she belly flopped into the water splashing and spluttering.   I was right behind her and hit the water a second or so after she did.   I remember thinking how clear the water was until the frigid cold soaked through the layers of my clothes and the freezing water hit me.   As I was going overboard I realized that I had my rod and reel in my other hand, and I remember seeing it sinking out of sight to the bottom of the lake as I righted myself and swam to the surface and to safety.  

                  Both of us are excellent swimmers and we spluttered and dog paddled to the boat.   We had on too many clothes to swim like they do in the Olympics.   We crawled back into the boat like two drowning rats.   I can't ever remember being so cold and when I looked at Toni her lips were blue and her teeth were chattering.   As I was shaking and trying to get the motor started I looked around and saw the porch people laughing and pointing down at us.   Someone had the courtesy to ask if we were OK, and I dumbly shook my head yes.   I couldn't wait to get out of there.

                  That night, when we were finally warm again, I was moaning about losing my two rod and reels when Toni had an idea.   She cut and bent several coat hangers into what looked like a huge wad of wire with blunt hooks sticking out.   She then tied a rope to the center and told me that since we knew exactly where I had lost my second rod and reel, all we would have to do was snag it with her device and then haul it into the boat.   A piece of cake.

                  So, the next morning we drove back to the same cove and pulled up beside the ill-fated dock.   Toni's Zara Spook was still dangling from the roof, but I told her to not even think about trying to get it.   I pulled out the wad of coat hangers attached to the rope, and as I was getting ready to heave it over the side I heard the neighbors shouting to one another from their porches, "Come out quick.   They're back."

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